


Losing Control

by fandomtrashheap



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Si cheng has some baggage, but its okay, side johnnten
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomtrashheap/pseuds/fandomtrashheap
Summary: He's falling in love nowlosing control nowfighting the truth, trying to hidebut I think it's all right boy





	Losing Control

* * *

begin

Sicheng let out a groan as he set the box down. He was finally moving away from this crap. The moving van had left without him unfortunately , this normally wouldn't be a bad thing if he hadn't left his car at the new house when he came with the moving people .  He unlocked his phone and went to his contacts, _For moving help because I'm too lazy,_ is what the contact read , is what his supposed best friend Mark put in. Not like he has anything better to do , but he helped Sicheng in so many other ways he'll let it slide. He pressed the call button and hoped someone picked up. They did.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Um hi. I'm Dong Sicheng , do you know anyone named Mark Lee by any chance?"

"Yeah actually, he said one of his friends may need help moving. Are you them?"

"Yep, do you need my address or did Mark give it to you?"

"I have it , I drive a white car."

"There are many white cars in the world." The man on the other line gave a small laugh, "I'll make sure you know it's me. See you in a bit... Dong Sicheng ." Then the man hung up. Sicheng looked at his phone, the man hadn't even given him his name, or the type of car. He didn't have to wait long , a white car drove up . Out stepped a man with black hair, he had a kind expression, but Sicheng didn't trust people based on first impressions, not anymore. "Are you Dong Sicheng?"

"Who's asking?" The man pulled out his phone and showed Sicheng the last call he had, which was with Sicheng . "Sorry , just making sure."

"No no , it's fine. I'd do the same," The other was silent before he bowed slightly, "I forgot to introduce myself over the phone. I'm Nakamoto Yuta ." He held out his hand and Sicheng instinctively flinched away. "Woah, you okay? I'm not going to hurt you." Sicheng gave an apologetic smile and shook his hand. "Sorry again." 

"No problem. So," Yuta looked around , "I'm gonna guess you need help actually getting to the house , correct."

"Thank you captain obvious." Yuta laughed . "Ok , give me the new address and we'll be on our way."

* * *

 

 

"Whelp, that's the last of them." Yuta remarked and dusted off his hands. "Thank you honestly, Mark would have helped but I gave him a break. So if I made you stop doing whatever you were doing-"

"No !" Yuta shook his head. "It's fine. Really . Got my lazy ass off the couch." Sicheng smiled. "Well Mark has you as _For moving help_ in my phone so..."

"Oh. May I see your phone for a sec?" Sicheng held it out and Yuta pressed a few buttons. "Here , if you need any moving help or just wanna talk. See you Sicheng ." Yuta flashed a peace sign and walked out the door .

Yuta had just walked to his car when his phone rang, "Maybe you could help me unpack say... this Wednesday ?" Yuta just smiled and looked back at the house. "Sure , if you'll get a coffee with me say... this Friday ?" It took longer for Sicheng to answer . "Sure Yuta , I'd love too."

_He's falling in love now, losing control now_

_Fighting the truth, trying to hide_

_But I think it's alright boy_

* * *

 1

To tell the truth, Sicheng was terrified of Yuta. Not in the sense he believed he was a scary human, but he was scared of what he might bring. Unpacking with Yuta became coffee with Yuta which became taking with Yuta . That was what he was afraid of.

"How is this my fault again?" Mark said from Sicheng's new kitchen. "Also , did you unpack your forks 'n shit?"

"Third drawer to the left," Sicheng laid down on the couch, and Ten gave him a comforting pat. "This is your fucking fault Mark Lee . If you weren't so lazy I would've never needed to see his face."

_He's falling but he doesn't think he'll catch him._

Mark came from the kitchen holding a bowl of ice cream. He pointed at Ten. "One in the freezer if you want it." Ten shook his head. "If I win that bet , I'll get the best week of my life. Now onto you Dong Sicheng ." Sicheng suddenly lost his appetite for the sweet. "I can't , you know I can't. You two of _all people_ know this. " Ten looked at him sympathetically , "Sicheng it's been what five months?"

"Four months and 12 days."

"Jesus," Mark put his head in his hands. "You honestly need to get over him, he was horrible and we all know it. Yuta , Yuta is a good person. Like a unreasonably good person." Sicheng  sighed, because the worst thing was he knew that.  Yuta was lovely sure, but he wasn't going through it again.

_Cause his last relationship was a disaster._

"I thought - we thought Seyoon was a good person too," Sicheng gave a bitter smile, "Look where I ended up."

"Seyoon was a horrible person who didn't deserve you, doesn't deserve anyone." Ten said, eyes darkening at the mention of a bitter man. 

Sicheng wishes he could forget everything that happened with Seyoon , but he'd woken up countless nights in cold sweats because of him being terrified. Believing him to be there , throwing things , hurting him. "We can't and we won't force you to do anything. You're our smallest friend."

"You're younger than me Lee."

"True. But at least stop looking at Yuta the way you did  _him._ " 

* * *

 

2

Sicheng didn't like parties much . Parties had drinks, drinks made drunk people, drunk people made bad decisions. Sicheng doesn't drink, he used too, but he can't bring himself to do it. Johnny invited he and Mark to his party, and he had to go. Ten was always invited, and was a little tipsy. "Try to have fun Sicheng. " Mark said before moving to somewhere else.

The music was loud, the people were smiling and dancing , and drunk. Sicheng moved through the crowd to the table and saw Yuta. Yuta saw him and waved the younger over , he swayed slightly making Sicheng laugh. "Are you drunk?"

"Tipsy, not drunk." Sicheng rolled his eyes. Yuta held out a glass, "Want one?"

"Thank you, but I... don't..."

"Don't drink? Don't worry, but you might become designated driver. Johnny almost became shirtless a bit before you got here. " 

"You knew I was here?" Yuta nodded , "Johnny let me know , but I didn't ask him to have you come over. You're quiet and sometimes get a look . I didn't know you would come, you told me you didn't like parties ."

"I don't, but Mark said I had too, needed to go have fun." Yuta smiled again and downed the glass. "You'll get drunk Yuta." 

"I'm told drunk me is kinda fun, or at least a great dancer." Sicheng gave a strained smile, but Yuta didn't notice. 

 

Slowly Yuta got a little more tipsy, little more loud. "I think I'm drunk ." He put his head on the table. "Are you gonna puke?"

"I don't throw up. " Yuta lifted his head up and gave a smile, "Dance with me?"

"I don't..."

"You do now, just one dance?" Sicheng thought for a moment , "Just one." 

He then ended up dancing for much,  _much_ longer than one song. When they finally stopped Sicheng practically fell into the chair. "That- that was fun." Yuta gave a bright smile. "Glad I could be of service. Maybe this party was a little fun?" 

"Maybe." They sat just enjoying the feel of the party, people dancing , people happy. Definitely going to regret it all tomorrow with the hangover. Sicheng knew, somewhere in him. That he was in love with him, but he couldn't love him. He was scared, of it all.

_Acusations everyday he didn't know why_

_Always ignored his call he's on his own time_

_Should be ended it before it started, all he did was get broken-hearted ._

"Sicheng? Can I tell you something? "

"Shoot." 

"This is something sober me would never tell you, because he's worried about scaring you away. " Sicheng looked at him, he knew what Yuta was going to say, but he had to hear it for himself. "W-what is it?" Yuta took a breath, "Drunk and sober me both really really like you. Actually , we love you. Like a lot. Johnny told me you're going through a lot also, so I know you'll probably not say anything back. Just please don't run away. " 

Sicheng couldn't run away from Yuta. No matter how much he tried to avoid it, Yuta had slotted himself into his life and now he would stay. "Yuta I'm not leaving, I can't. " Yuta was quiet, then , "Can we go?"

"Course, is your place closer or mine?"

"Yours maybe, Johnny picked me up. At least I'll know how to get home from yours." 

"I'll call a cab , we used Mark's car to get here." Sicheng sent the said man a quick text.

**Win-win: Gone home with Yuta**

**Markee: Okie , stay safe. Punch him if it gets bad. With a lamp.**

Sicheng followed Yuta out, many people were crawling into taxis . They'd probably never get one if he wasn't good at this. A long whistle came from the younger, and a taxi pulled up to them. Yuta opened the door for Sicheng before getting in himself.  They didn't speak through the ride.

사랑해 

Sicheng sat Yuta on the couch and waited for him to speak.

"Sicheng? "

"Hm"

"Do you-"

"Yes. " Yuta looked back at him. "But...?"

Sicheng didn't say anything for a moment. Then explained as best he could, "My last relationship was horrible." 

_He was cheating on him, trying to flip it back on him like a victim                                               Now he all alone and starting over_  
_Now he got baggage on his shoulder_  
_But the new guy really loves him_  
_he loves him, but he doesn't trust himself anymore_

 "He was so terrifying and I couldn't do anything. Only reason I got out was because Mark helped me, found me an apartment and now I have my own house. But he was so," Sicheng shuddered before continuing, "So disturbing. Hit me, told me things were my fault . Didn't call, locked me out sometimes, used me in a way no one should be used. I can't- I can't go back to that." Sicheng felt wretched telling someone he's only known two months this. 

"How long were you with him?"

"Four years. I left six months ago." 

"That's good."

"What's sober you going to think of all this?" Yuta looked at Sicheng, "I sobered up sometime in the car. I get you're scared, I'll give you time definitely. " 

"I know you're good, I know you're not like him , but I don't know how. I don't know how to be good for you. I never got any good out of last time." Yuta pulled him into a hug. "Never again," His voice shook, "Never again will anyone hurt you. Not while I'm here." They fell asleep on that couch, and Sicheng felt better. Better than he had in all the years.

 

* * *

 4 

It wasn't that with Yuta it all went away. Sicheng still woke up in a cold sweat from time to time, on horrible night he woke up screaming or crying. Difference is that now Yuta was always there. To calm him down , to wipe the tears, to remind him he was safe.

 

_Despite his past he can't help the attraction_

_He tells him that he's nothing like the last one_

_He redefines in every way what love is_

_He fell for him and hasn't gotten up since_

 

Yuta knows that Sicheng would still not drink. Why he has to text Sicheng often enough for the boy to not get worried, not like Yuta needed anyone else now. Why they didn't have  much sex , but when they did Yuta made sure he never hurt him. Yuta would whisper sweet nothings for the boy, to let him know Yuta would never do anything to him. 

It wasn't that with Yuta Sicheng wouldn't get nervous or scared anymore.

_Every now and then he goes off , though_

_beating on his chest like a bongo_

_He understands he's coming from a hurt place_

_answers all the questions on the survey_

 

Sometimes Sicheng would get worried when Yuta would come back late, that he wasn't good enough for him. Yuta would forget to text and let him know that he would be late. Once he came back , and Sicheng didn't know what to think. "Yuta a-are you drunk? "

"Maybe." Sicheng went rigid. There are many established and unspoken rules for Yuta and Sicheng, the only established one Sicheng ever placed was don't come back drunk. The younger took a step back. "What? " Yuta looked at him, "You think I'm going to do something? I'm not." Yuta came closer before hugging him. Well, it was more like most of his weight was on  Sicheng. "I k-know. But where were you? You didn't answer your phone, it's one in the morning Yuta." Drunk Yuta would say anything at any moment, he didn't lie about anything because he didn't see the point. "I got promoted and they threw me a party. But I forgot to tell you and my phone died. I-I'm sorry." Yuta hiccuped and held Sicheng tighter. Sicheng gave a tight smile, "It's fine , lets just ... let's just go to bed. Can you put on your own clothes? "

"I'm drunk not dumb," Yuta said as he ran into the table. "Maybe a little bit ." 

_Doesn't get jealous doesn't break trust_

_doesnt call him 'Hoe' after hang ups_

_Give him everything he ever wanted_

_even though he still feels haunted_

After getting Yuta out of his clothes Sicheng threw on a red shirt and slipped into bed , and Yuta wrapped his arms around the boy and pressed his back to him . "You're good to me Sicheng."

"Really?"

"Yeah, if it wasn't for you I don't think I'd be here right now." Sicheng stopped breathing for a moment at the confession. Yuta, _his Yuta_ , could've done something terrible if he hadn't called that day. If that moving van hadn't ditched him, where would he be right now? Where would either of them be? "Would sober Yuta had told me this?" Silence. The younger thought he might have fallen asleep, then, "No. Sober me doesn't want to scare you away. He thinks if he told you, you'd leave ."

"I wouldn't."

"I know that, but you've just gone through hell and back. He doesn't want you to get scared or think I'd hurt you or do bad things." Sicheng sucked in a breath before asking, "Would you? Do any of those things?" 

"No. Never," Yuta turned Sicheng towards him, "You know why? Because you Dong Sicheng are all I want and need. I love you." Sicheng didn't say it back, he never did. He couldn't bring himself to form the words that he felt every time he looked at the Japanese boy.  He didn't trust those words. The last time he did the image of a perfect relationship came crashing down and nothing was the same. If this was a lie he wanted it to stay like this , but it didn't feel like one this time.

* * *

5

"Sicheng? Where are you-"

"Pulling in. Will be inside in literally twenty seconds." Yuta smiled and just as he hung up Sicheng opened the door. "You're back late , well late for you. I got back before you." Sicheng sighed, "If I tell you where I went you can't do anything." The eldest quirked an eyebrow, "Promise."

"I stopped by my ex's house to get something-" Yuta automatically stood up and grabbed Sicheng's arm , then fired questions. "Why? What happened? Are you okay did he hurt you?" 

"I had to get something important to me, he was there unlike I thought , I am okay just a little scratch. Mostly yelling."

"Where did he hurt you?" Sicheng held out his arm to what he called a _little scratch._ It long; ran from his inner elbow to wrist , but not deep thank god. "See , not bad?"

"Where does he live I'm going to break his face." 

"Thank you but no need, I got what I wanted." Sicheng pulled a little bracelet from his pocket. "My mother made this , gave me two for when I came to Korea. You're supposed to give them to the one you love as a sign of forever with them. I wear the other one," He shook his wrist, "I had given the second to Seyoon because I _thought_ I loved him. Difference is that I know I love you. Sorry I took so long." Sicheng slipped it onto Yuta's wrist, it fit unlike the last time. It was too small, that should've been the first warning. His mother was never wrong. "I love you too, thank you for putting up with me this long." 

"Pleasure." Yuta gave a smile before leaning down and placing a soft kiss to him. And Sicheng knew they were gonna be okay 

_He's falling in love now, losing control now_

_Fighting the truth_

_trying to hide_

_But I think it's all right boy_


End file.
